Climbing the Ladder, Losing Your Voice: How Power Dynamics Hinder Radical Candor
Since writing Radical Candor, I traveled around the world talking about the importance of clear and direct feedback, both in giving and receiving it. But what happens when that feedback loop is poisoned by fear, manipulation, or outright abuse? The effects can be profound — not just on an individual’s well-being but also on career trajectory, especially for those in what I call “superstar mode.”
On the Radical Candor podcast last year Amy Sandler, Jason Rosoff , and I discussed a study published in the journal Group and Organization Management that found employees on a steep career growth trajectory — our “superstar mode” — are less likely to be assertive after experiencing an abusive boss.
Meanwhile, employees who prioritize job stability — our “rock-star mode” — are just as likely to assert themselves before and after experiencing workplace abuse. The theory is that those in super-star mode perceive their boss as holding the keys to their advancement, making them more hesitant to challenge toxic behavior.
“So these researchers theorize that people on steep growth trajectories may begin to assert themselves less with a bad boss because they perceive that person as kind of holding the keys to their career advancement and promotion opportunities,” Amy explained.
I could relate. I had a boss who told me that my jeans weren’t tight enough. Then, he sent someone out to buy me the tightest pants I’ve ever owned. I don’t know if it counts as abusive behavior, but it was obnoxious. At the time, I didn’t challenge him — not because I was gunning for a promotion at that company, but because I knew that if I quietly found another job, I could move on without making waves.
One of my mentors advised me to sue, while another told me not to “blow up my life” and just get another job. I took the latter advice, but in retrospect, I regret it. “And later in life, I kind of regretted it. And I think the reason I didn’t challenge that boss’s… I mean, I did after I quit, challenge him, but the reason why I didn’t challenge him in some sort of significant way… was because I knew that would make it, or I was afraid that that would make it harder for me to get the next job.”
Abusive bosses don’t just harm individuals — they degrade workplace culture and stunt long-term organizational growth. According to a California Management Review study, destructive leadership isn’t just about the boss and their direct reports. It’s a systemic problem involving the organization and even society at large. The study estimates that 10 to 15 percent of employees work for a toxic boss.
“If you assume that half of all humans on Earth are working age, 10–15%… is 400–700 million people working for a toxic boss,” Jason pointed out. “That’s a big problem.”
Why People Stay Silent
Fear of retaliation is a significant factor. Employees may worry that speaking up could lead to negative consequences such as losing their job, being demoted, or facing further mistreatment. The power imbalance between an employee and their boss can make it difficult for individuals to feel safe in voicing concerns.
People frequently stay silent because they’re weighing the obvious benefits of silence (keeping their job, avoiding further conflict) against the hidden costs (damage to their health, erosion of their self-worth). The immediate pressures — paying bills, supporting family, maintaining career prospects — can feel more urgent than addressing the abuse.
What’s more, there is often a lack of trust in the system. Employees might believe that their complaints will not be taken seriously or that the organization’s HR department will not protect them. This can be particularly true in environments where previous complaints have been ignored or mishandled.
Additionally, some employees may feel a sense of helplessness or resignation, believing that their situation is unlikely to change even if they do speak up. This can be compounded by a toxic company culture that normalizes or excuses abusive behavior.
Finally, some employees may stay silent because they are unsure of how to effectively communicate their concerns or fear that they might not be believed. In such cases, the lack of skills or confidence to confront the issue can lead to inaction.
5 Things You Can Do
So, what can you do if you find yourself stuck under an abusive boss? Here’s my advice:
- Document everything. Even if you don’t plan to take legal action, keeping a record of incidents helps you process what’s happening and resist gaslighting. Documenting what is happening will really help. And in Radical Respect, I have some examples of what documentation does — it can be just journaling, or it can be just sending an email to someone who you trust, not on your work computer, by the way, like, do it from a personal device.
- Build solidarity. Abuse thrives in isolation. Find someone you trust — inside or outside of work — to validate your experience and strategize next steps. If you can find even one person who you trust at work, you have a better experience at work. And if you can’t find someone at work, find someone outside of work to talk to.
- Locate the nearest exit. You may feel trapped, but take a hard look at your options. Do you have savings? A professional network? If you quit tomorrow, what are your options?… What’s the downside of just saying, ‘ I’m out of here’?”
- Speak truth to power — strategically. Confronting an abusive boss is difficult. If you’re on the fence, you can do a cost-benefit analysis (explained in detail here) to make an informed decision.
- Recognize that silence has a cost. I regret not calling out my former boss when I had the chance. The weight of staying silent can be just as damaging as the abuse itself. In retrospect… If I had to do it over again, I think I would have made a bigger stink of it.
It’s up to leaders, organizations, and colleagues to create workplaces where abuse is not tolerated. If we want to foster an environment where people can do the best work of their lives and be their best selves, we need to dismantle the systems that allow abusive leaders to thrive.
A go-to question is a key tool for soliciting feedback in Radical Candor. It’s a question you develop and use regularly to get honest feedback from your team. Don’t have one? Join the Radical Candor Community now to learn how ask your team for actionable feedback and interpret it effectively. Get 7 days free, then sign up for full year of access — including all our digital courses — for less than the cost of a single course or a dinner out. More learning, more growth, more value!
Radical Respect is a weekly newsletter I am publishing on LinkedIn to highlight some of the things that get in the way of creating a collaborative, respectful working environment. A healthy organization is not merely an absence of unpleasant symptoms. Creating a just working environment is about eliminating bad behavior and reinforcing collaborative, respectful behavior. Each week I’ll offer tips on how to do that so you can create a workplace where everyone feels supported and respected. Learn more in my new book Radical Respect, available wherever books are sold! You can also follow Radical Candor® and the Radical Candor Podcast more tips about building better relationships at work.
