For years, I’ve been grappling with the idea of meritocracy in tech. While the concept sounds ideal, the reality I’ve witnessed is far from equitable. That’s why my conversation with Ellen K. Pao, founder of Project Include and my Radical Respect podcast co-host Wesley Faulkner resonated so deeply.
Ellen put it succinctly: “[Tech] is a very different environment than the kind of meritocratic, everybody-gets-a-fair-chance environment that people were promising.”
Our conversation underscored the need for leaders to embrace principles of Radical Candor® and Radical Respect to challenge the status quo and foster meaningful change.
You can listen to our conversation below:
This culture of exclusion often justifies itself under the guise of meritocracy, yet, as Ellen noted, the term has been co-opted to maintain the status quo rather than challenge it. Wesley agreed, highlighting how even overwhelming evidence on the benefits of diversity and inclusion is often dismissed.
“There’s still a resistance around DEI [diversity, equity, and inclusion],” he said, “with people seeing it as something that infests companies with lower standards” when the opposite is true. To illustrate that fact, a number of high-performing companies that include Costco and Apple have been vocal about upholding their DEI initiatives.
The so-called meritocracy of Silicon Valley often masks systemic inequities, perpetuated by what Ellen described as the “founder mythology.” This narrative, which I wrote about in 2024 for the New York Times, glorifies a narrow and exclusionary view of success, creates barriers that are hard to dismantle.
It’s hard, but not impossible. Here are some ways to start fixing what’s broken.
Embrace Vulnerability in Leadership
One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned as a leader is that vulnerability is not a weakness — it’s a strength. Ellen shared a story about a CEO who admitted his lack of expertise in diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) during an all-hands meeting. His vulnerability was met with respect and appreciation.
“So many people said that was the most leadership he had shown,” she said. That example affirmed what I’ve long believed: leadership isn’t about knowing everything. It’s about being honest about what you don’t know and committing to growth.
Another critical takeaway is the danger of tolerating toxic high performers. I’ve often said, “It’s better to have a hole than an a — hole” (there’s a coffee mug).
People who bully their peers might deliver individual results, but they erode team morale and collective success. Leaders have a responsibility to prioritize the health of the team over the perceived value of a single contributor.
The Importance of Accountability
During our conversation, Ellen highlighted the need for accountability at the highest levels of leadership. CEOs, she emphasized, must reframe how they think about DEI.
“Treat it like you would any other business imperative,” she said. “Measure whether it’s successful, track it, and make adjustments as needed.”
Ellen’s work with Project Include exemplifies this approach. She shared how her team developed surveys and tools to measure workplace satisfaction and identify biases.
“When you have pay ranges, job descriptions, and clear promotion paths, it’s good for everyone,” she said. Inclusivity benefits not just marginalized groups but the entire organization, creating a more transparent and supportive environment.
Connection as a Healing Force
One of the most powerful insights Ellen shared was about the role of connection in addressing workplace anxiety and bias.
“Connection is what can be extremely healing and can alleviate anxiety,” she said, citing research from Stanford Professor Leanne Williams. When leaders take the time to build genuine relationships, they create a foundation of trust and respect that can transform organizational culture.
Moving Forward
The journey to dismantle tech’s broken meritocracy is challenging but essential. As Ellen noted, “When everybody operates at full capacity, everybody benefits.”
This work requires courage, accountability, and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths. But the rewards — a more inclusive, innovative, and resilient industry — are well worth the effort.
Leaders, it’s time to step up. Embrace vulnerability. Hold yourselves accountable. And most importantly, foster connections that lift everyone in your organization. That’s how we begin to fix what’s broken.
Are you committed to being a better leader in 2025? The 12 Months of Radical Candor course is here to guide you, providing actionable steps and daily micro-lessons to enhance your leadership skills. Over the course of the year — in just 5 minutes a day — you’ll solicit feedback, engage in career conversations, build trust, and promote collaboration. The best part? It’s free when you join the Radical Candor Community. Join now and get a 7-day FREE trial as well as access to Radical Candor courses, an ad-free podcast, real-time, interactive learning opportunities, regular interaction with Radical Candor experts, and so much more!
Radical Respect is a weekly newsletter I am publishing on LinkedIn to highlight some of the things that get in the way of creating a collaborative, respectful working environment. A healthy organization is not merely an absence of unpleasant symptoms. Creating a just working environment is about eliminating bad behavior and reinforcing collaborative, respectful behavior. Each week I’ll offer tips on how to do that so you can create a workplace where everyone feels supported and respected. Learn more in my new book Radical Respect, available wherever books are sold! You can also follow Radical Candor® and the Radical Candor Podcast more tips about building better relationships at work.
