Radical Respect

5 Ways to Navigate Nepotism and Bullying in the Workplace

Kim Scott

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When the Toxic Boss is a Nepo Baby

Nepotism in the workplace can manifest in ways that are both overt and subtle, from explicit job offers to favoritism in promotions or pay increases. At its core, nepotism prioritizes personal connections over merit, often leading to lowered morale, decreased productivity, and damaged trust among team members.

One of my favorite refrains as it relates to toxic workplace dynamics has been, “It’s better to have a hole than an asshole.” But what happens when the problem isn’t just a toxic employee, but one protected by nepotism?

Addressing this can feel like walking a tightrope, but there are steps to navigate this tricky terrain. Here’s my advice for dealing with such challenges.

1. Document Everything

First and foremost, jot down what’s happening — document incidents thoroughly. Use a personal device or notebook, not work equipment, to create a contemporaneous record. This isn’t just for reporting purposes but also to protect your sense of reality. Bullying can often make you question your own experiences, and documentation serves as an anchor.

If abusive behavior appears in emails or workplace chats, take screenshots and save them securely. As Susan Rigetti once advised, such evidence can validate your observations and help others see the pattern.

2. Build Solidarity

When someone is being bullied, it’s OK to speak with them afterward to express your support. Let them know you saw what happened and acknowledge its impact. This simple act can help the person feel less isolated and give you both the strength to address the issue collectively.

Solidarity doesn’t mean gossiping or venting indiscriminately. Instead, build relationships with peers who might share your concerns. This collective voice can amplify your efforts to bring about change while providing mutual support.

3. Assess Your Options

Before escalating, identify the exits nearest you. Knowing your alternatives — whether it’s another job or a safety net — can empower you to take action without feeling trapped. Sometimes, knowing you have an escape route changes the dynamic entirely.

If you can’t leave, consider strategies to protect yourself mentally and emotionally. In some cases, resources like Bob Sutton’s The Asshole Survival Guide offer practical tips for surviving a toxic workplace.

4. Have a Direct Conversation

Clean escalation can be your next step. Approach the person in question directly, if safe to do so, and explain your observations. For example, say, “I’ve noticed these behaviors on several occasions. I believe they’re harmful to the team and would like to discuss how we can address this together.”

Sometimes, a direct conversation can resolve misunderstandings or provide clarity. If the situation doesn’t improve, escalate cleanly to the next level, whether it’s to their manager, the CEO, or HR.

5. Consider HR

While HR can be a resource, I caution against over-delegating your relationships to them. Think of HR as a backstop — a place to go if direct efforts fail. Remember, their obligations might initiate a process you can’t control, so weigh this step carefully.

Handling nepotism and bullying isn’t easy. It takes courage, preparation, and a willingness to confront discomfort. Whether you’re documenting, building solidarity, or having tough conversations, know that these efforts are about fostering a healthier workplace culture — for yourself and your colleagues.

Remember, you’re not alone. Each step you take can make a difference, whether it’s protecting yourself, supporting others, or challenging the status quo. Learn more about how to tackle these challenges in my book Radical Respect.

Radical Respect is a weekly newsletter I am publishing on LinkedIn to highlight some of the things that get in the way of creating a collaborative, respectful working environment. A healthy organization is not merely an absence of unpleasant symptoms. Creating a just working environment is about eliminating bad behavior and reinforcing collaborative, respectful behavior. Each week I’ll offer tips on how to do that so you can create a workplace where everyone feels supported and respected. Learn more in my new book Radical Respect, available wherever books are sold! You can also follow Radical Candor® and the Radical Candor Podcast more tips about building better relationships at work.

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Kim Scott
Kim Scott

Written by Kim Scott

Kim Scott is the author of Radical Candor & Radical Respect and co-founder of Radical Candor which helps teams put the ideas from the book into practice.

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