I have mentored countless people frustrated by injustice in their workplace — by the lack of real efforts to recruit more diverse employees, by the visibly slower career growth for people from some demographic groups, by comments reflecting bias and prejudiced beliefs from senior leaders, and by other manifestations of harassment or discrimination.
It’s clear to me that these folks are ready to bolt.
“Why don’t you talk to your boss?” I’ll ask. “You’ve got one foot out the door already. You don’t need to be afraid of getting fired. So why not try it?”
“Why bother?” they’ll say.
“Would you rather keep this job or get another one?” I’ll ask.
“I’d rather stay,” they’ll say.
“But you won’t stay if this continues, right?” I’ll ask.
“No,” they’ll say.
“And nothing will change if you don’t say anything. So . . . ?”
For many people, it simply boils down to their reluctance to have an awkward conversation. Your boss is insufficiently invested in you and doesn’t care enough to address that problem.
Why set oneself up for further disappointment or even humiliation? These sorts of direct confrontations are highly personal. You’ll have to make your own list of pros and cons, costs and benefits. Here’s one I made for myself.
OK, going back to a situation I describe in Radical Respect where I was sexually harassed at work, I did confront my boss directly after I had quit, and then I went back after a couple of years to try again.
I don’t think I got through to him, unfortunately. I did not report him to HR or take legal action, though. I didn’t tell the story publicly (until publishing Radical Respect — you can read the story in the book!).
Why not? The next job I took came with an enormous compensation package, and I decided the ROI just wasn’t there for me.
Did I want to take on enormous legal bills and the emotional cost of fighting this thing, or just walk away and take a new job that offered enormous financial upside? In terms of dollars and cents, it was an easy decision.
However, in terms of making the world a better, more just place, I’m not sure that I made the right call. Watch this TikTok from Tessa White as she explains how speaking up made things better for those who came after her.
Navigating treacherous waters is difficult. These are complicated decisions, and I certainly don’t have all the answers.
I’m not sure I did the right thing, so I’m certainly not trying to tell you what you should do. The best I can offer is to share my thinking as honestly as I know how. I hope that my story helps you feel less alone and my frameworks give you a way to make sense of the things that are happening to you.
Radical Respect Events — Join me!
Radical Respect is a weekly newsletter I am publishing on LinkedIn to highlight some of the things that get in the way of creating a collaborative, respectful working environment. A healthy organization is not merely an absence of unpleasant symptoms. Creating a just working environment is about eliminating bad behavior and reinforcing collaborative, respectful behavior. Each week I’ll offer tips on how to do that so you can create a workplace where everyone feels supported and respected. Learn more in my new book Radical Respect, available wherever books are sold! You can also follow Radical Candor® and the Radical Candor Podcast more tips about building better relationships at work.
