Once, I worked with a couple of people who objected to what they called the “word police” on the theory that they didn’t mean any harm and people should just quit being so sensitive.
My boss explained to them that he did not consider himself to be the word police but that he was responsible for making sure his team worked well together. He pointed out that we all have words that make us see red.
If we are going to communicate well with one another, we must care about the impact our words have on them. We need to be willing to learn to avoid each other’s “red words.”
Communication Is Measured at the Listener’s Ear, Not at the Speaker’s Mouth
If you’re trying to communicate with someone, why use a word that will make it almost impossible for the person to hear the next 50 words you say? It would be so much more efficient to choose another word.
Admittedly, habits of speech are hard to break. Even when your team knows one another’s red words, people will still say the wrong thing from time to time. Asking for forgiveness in the service of changing a habit is reasonable; insisting that you get to use whatever word you want, no matter what, is not.
Recently, in a post on social media, I misused the word crazy. I recommended people solicit feedback by saying, “Tell me why I’m crazy,” when it would’ve been better to ask, “Tell me why I’m wrong.”
A couple of people pointed out to me (with greatly appreciated kindness) how this harmed people with mental illness. I posted an apology and linked to an article explaining in more detail why what I’d said was inaccurate and harmful.
A bunch of people replied to the post, thanking me for saving them from making the same mistake. But many others only wanted to “reassure” me that what I’d said in the first place was okay, that we as a society have gotten “oversensitive.”
Flagging Non-Inclusive Language Does Not Make You too Sensitive — It Makes You an Upstander
Just as I was about to explain why this wasn’t a case of oversensitivity, I was happy to have a colleague weigh in on this point:
For the “we’ve become too sensitive” crowd . . . Please consider trying to evaluate this with a simple return-on-investment calculation.
What does it cost me to change / not change, and what do we get if I change / not change?
The investment: Adapting my language costs what? Some cognitive difficulty for like two weeks? My search for an answer on this topic and many others tells me that it costs effectively nothing.
Then, I ask myself what I get in return. If I keep using insensitive aphorisms — especially as a white man — I will create ranging inclusion issues — big for some, small for some, nonexistent for others.
If I change my language, though, I take a small step toward a more universally inclusive environment.
I think that the “we’ve become too sensitive” take implicitly invalidates the perspective of those offended or hurt, and I’m just not sure we should be doing that.
Well said.
Radical Respect is a weekly newsletter I am publishing on LinkedIn to highlight some of the things that get in the way of creating a collaborative, respectful working environment. A healthy organization is not merely an absence of unpleasant symptoms. Creating a just working environment is about eliminating bad behavior and reinforcing collaborative, respectful behavior. Each week I’ll offer tips on how to do that so you can create a workplace where everyone feels supported and respected.
